13 Lies Narcissists Use to Keep You Stuck
When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control — whether it’s over the relationship, your attention, or how they’re being seen — they start lying. Not small lies. Big, strategic ones. Lies meant to keep you stuck in guilt, obligation, or confusion.
Here’s what they say when they’re in survival mode and trying to keep their grip on you:
1. "I’m dying. I’m seriously sick."
They’ll claim cancer, a heart issue, or something dramatic the moment you pull away. The goal is to trigger your empathy and stop you from leaving. You can expect that they will NOT be showing you any paperwork or evidence to back up their claims. You will NOT be invited to those doctor appointments.
2. "I’m going to therapy."
They know you care about healing, so they lie about getting help. Maybe they went once. Maybe never. But they’ll quote fake sessions to keep you hopeful. They'll also use their imaginary therapist as a source to put you down. Anticipate fake quotes and lies about how their "therapist" thinks you’re the narcissist in the relationship.
3. "I have a diagnosis."
They'll throw out words like depression or bipolar to avoid accountability. Not to get better. Just to shut down conversations or excuse their bad behavior.
4. "Everything in my life is falling apart."
They create a crisis so you’ll feel guilty and step back into the role of rescuer. Suddenly they’re about to lose their job, their home, or their mom is dying again.
5. "Even your friends think you're the problem."
They isolate you by twisting what other people think. They lie to make you feel like everyone’s siding with them.
6. "If you leave, I’ll hurt myself."
This is emotional blackmail. They say it to trap you. And while suicidal ideation is real, this version is often weaponized to keep you from walking away.
7. "You’re the abusive one."
Classic reversal. Suddenly you’re the narcissist, the gaslighter, the toxic one. It’s a play to confuse you and deflect responsibility.
8. "I’ve changed."
They future-fake and make up promises related to the marriage, kids, therapy, financial stability, healing, etc. Say they’re different now. Promise the version of them you always wanted. But it’s not real change. It’s bait.
9. "Other people want me."
They talk about exes or new people to make you feel jealous or insecure. They want you competing for their attention. The moment you start worrying that the next person will get the changed version of them, they’ve succeeded. That trick keeps you hooked. It makes you second-guess your instincts and wonder if you're the problem.
10. "I never said that."
They lie about things you clearly remember. You’ll start questioning your memory and wondering if you’re the crazy one. That’s gaslighting.
11. "God told me we’re meant to be."
Some will fake religion or personal growth to keep you hooked. But their actions don’t change. It’s just another performance.
12. "I’m broke."
They pretend they don’t have money so they don’t have to give you anything or take responsibility. Meanwhile, they’re hiding it somewhere else.
13. "You’re the one who did this."
They lie about your behavior. Twist your words. Retell stories with themselves as the victim. Anything to stay in control of the narrative.
These 13 lies are used by narcissists far too often. You can learn to spot them and refuse to be manipulated. There is a way to honor your truth and heal the damage these lies have done to your nervous system.
